i plug in my guitar, and start rockin out in my garage

til i heard a loud knock on my door

i opened it up, and there you were

you looked pissed but i wasnt sure

til you grabbed me by my left ear and said...

 

chorus:

turn it down! its way too loud!

turn it down! i hate that sound!

turn it down! or else ill call the cops!

 

i said ok, and then you left

then my middle finger did a flip

i turned my guitar amp louder

you came back with a baseball bat

said your wife was taking a nap

you tried to hit me but i ducked

you said...

 

chorus

 

NO!!

 

 

 

dog, rat, moose, cow!

 

im a duck, im a frog, im a parrot, im a dog

im a bear, im a cat, im a goldfish, im a rat

im a deer, im a goose, im a rabbit, im a moose

im a horse, im a mouse, im a parrot, im a cow...

 

chorus:

im an animal

 

im a duck, im a frog, im a parrot, im a dog

im a bear, im a cat, im a goldfish, im a rat

 

chorus

 

bark!

 

 

 

he wakes up in the mornin'

puts his hair in braids

he only does this on saturdays

he wears red high heels

on his eyes are cucumber peels

my brother is a cross-dresser

 

on the weekdays, hes a boy

but not on weekends

cuz thats when he likes to dress up

my brother has no balls

be plays with barbie dolls

my brother is a cross-dresser

 

 

 

i dont wanna be closer to anybody but you

i know you think im a loser, but i dont really care...i love you

 

i wanna be with you every day

i want you to not think im gay

i wanna hold your hand and be your friend

i want this hatred you have to end

 

i know its gonna rough

i know its gonna be tough

but i dont care, no

i only want to love you

 

chorus

 

lets be bestest friends, lets be friends forever

lets be boyfriend and girlfriend, lets be together forever

 

chorus

 

 

 

i can play a one chord song

and im sure you can hum a long

this is my one chord song

and lucky for you, its not very long

 

 

 

chorus:

its happenin', im fallin' in love again

not so much with a person this time

im falling love with the single life

and it is cool, how could i be such a fool

girls are just way too confusing

making out is the only thing i am missing

 

im not missing any of you

just your annoying lips

the things that babble on and on too much

the things that babble on and on too much

 

chorus

 

after you hear this next part, you are going to hate me!

 

its all any guy needs, just his perverted hand

and the next time i do it, ill be thinking of your stupid face!

 

 

 

today i broke into your house instead of going to school

finally, i was in two feet from your bed

and not on the other side of your window, yeah!

 

chorus:

sometimes i dance all by myself

sometimes its fun, but other times its not

sometimes i wish you were dancing with me

sometimes i wish that you knew me

 

im not a stalker, im simply in love...

 

chorus

 

 

 

you think you are the king of the world

thats because no one has told you different

people get scared to talk to you but not i

im gonna tell you how it is in the real life...

 

chorus:

you're not cool, you're not cool

they nod their heads just to be nice

you're not cool, no not at all

you're not better than anyone

in fact, you are dumber than everyone

you're not cool, no not at all

 

people say you're funny, people say you're rad

then when you walk away, they talk behind your back

they make rude gestures, they tape toilet paper to your shoe

little do you know, everyone despises you

 

chorus

 

you're not cool...

 

 

 

you are hot, she is not, shes not hot, you are hot

i like you, three times two, i hate school, i like you

be my friend, til the end, holding hands, be my friend

lets hang out, lets not pout, sourkraut, lets hang out

 

syllables, three of them

syllables, three of them

syllables, three of them

three of them, rock on dude!

 

 

 

sitting on my chair watchin MTV

until something strange came over me

i didnt know what to do, so i still sat

then i heard a strange voice

i wondered, what was that?

 

chorus:

i cant control my head

im lucky im not dead

my nose is turning red

my pencil's out of lead

 

scared as a moose, what should i do?

this feeling wont go away, i might have to poo

i am scared to stand, who know what might happen

i might fall if i run to my kitchen...

 

chorus

 

 

 

when i heard that you were moving in a week

i started to jump up and down til i could not breathe

this was the happiest day of my life

my family is gonna celebrate tonight

 

chorus:

finally, you are moving away

you go so sick of the "noise" i make

this is not the place for you

 

i never turned my music down

you always said my tv was too loud

but whats the point of having a big screen

if you're not going to make it so loud your ears bleed!

 

chorus

 

i hate you, you hate me

we glared at each other every day

i hate you, you hate me

im so stoked for you to go away

 

 

 

here i am, back with another rap to rap to you all and i dont give a crap if you think this rap is some sort of crap, then turn off your stereo and take a little nap and dream of naked goats with big butts, or dream of an old dead man-king tut. i dont care, no, i dont care at all, and remember this little quote y'all...

 

RAP IS LIKE YOUR MOM, IT SUCKS!!

 

and since you're gay, dream of me or dream of a unicorn you found at sea, or dance on a rainbow-it'll be a party, the lawn knomes will dance on the table and get a little naughty. Masta B is my name, yo! Brads one man band is my game, yo! if i say it any louder, ill go insane, so lets do a little jig out in the rain and chant...

 

RAP IS LIKE YOUR MOM, IT SUCKS!!

 

...break it down...

 

remember next time you see me at my show, dont forget to stop me and say hello, ill turn around and say "wazzup" it aint no problem, and then when you turn around-ill slap you on the bottom, and now i aint gay-im straight as an apple, i like to drink fresca but i dont drink snapple. sometimes me and my homies wiggle and tickle each other's feet, and now you made me lose my beat soooo.......

 

RAP IS LIKE YOUR MOM, IT SUCKS!!

 

...the end...